


Consume Me

by AwokenMonster



Category: Hollywood Undead (Band)
Genre: Charlie's the unlucky asshole to play pretend with, Jealousy, M/M, Non-exclusive relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2018-09-26 03:15:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9859688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwokenMonster/pseuds/AwokenMonster
Summary: “Fine. You have fun with Charlie. I’ll have him know he’ll never know your body like I do. He doesn’t know what you like. He’ll never be me", Funny Man said in a drunk slur.“No, he’s better”, I said. “He doesn’t fuck other people.”Danny x Funny ManFake Danny x Charlie Scene





	1. The First Act

Danny’s POV

 

I can’t stand to look at his smile. He’s a predator. That grin is like showing off his sharp teeth and poisoned tongue. His eyes glowering dangerously like observing a prey. He’s amused by their moves. They feel safe, they laugh back at him, but I know him better than to let myself be fooled by it. He doesn’t like those girls. Those bitches think they own him but he owns them. They do whatever he wants to earn his attention. To get him to go with them. To sleep with him. Because those girls are only out to fuck him.

And it hurts me to the core when he returns with that same smile. Softer now. When he gets back, wrapping his arms around my waist and asking me wordlessly. Asking permission to touch me, kiss me, fuck me and cuddle me until dawn. It’s late. I was waiting all night for him to get back. I’m never able to sleep when he’s fucking girls. My eyes get bloodshot, stapled open wide and I simply can’t bring myself to close them when I know he’s with them. Every time he returned I felt like I just reached the water surface to breathe again. Suffocating when he’s away for too long. Every god damn second is too long. Yet tonight I couldn’t bring myself to complain about it. I couldn’t tell him to stop when I knew it would change us.

He’d resent me for being jealous. After all, we weren’t exclusive.

I granted him the permission to touch me, have his hands travel down my stressed out body. I needed this. When he got back, I just had to let him have his way with me. If he didn’t, he’d remain marked by those women. Countless women who fall for him. I had to mark him as mine, get their scent off of his body. Have him pin me down on the bed, mouths locked in an eternal kiss. Mind clouding with every touch. I broke the kiss with a gasp, breathing: “Funny…”

“Yeah?” He whispered, kissing my neck down to my chest.

“Who do you prefer? The girls or me?”

Funny smiled against my skin. “You. Always you.”

“Then dump them.”

“Done. I’ll never see those two again.”

A small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

I couldn’t go on like this, torturing myself every night he’d be away with girls while I was wrenching my heart in every way to stop the pain inside. To keep my silent scream inside as the horror in my heart told me to quit letting myself into this position, but as soon as he’d be back and hold me, it would all be worth it again. It just never ended.

I needed help.

Once again I woke up in Funny’s bed, not feeling his arms around me. He had left a long time ago probably. I never really knew when he left the house to go do whatever he does when he seems to have disappeared off of the surface of the earth.

He didn’t call, didn’t text. Instead he waited until we went out again. But I was so sick of it.

So sick of waking up and crying because I fell in love with the wrong person. I sniffed, wiped my eyes off on the back of my hand and got dressed. Looking in the mirror was hard. I always knew I’d see someone I didn’t even recognize. Eyes red, lips split because we like it rough and a hickey here or there. My body wasn’t proud of me.

I left the house, beginning the walk of shame back to my own house.

“Danny? Shit, man, you look fucking terrible”, I heard.

I looked up at Charlie.

“No offense”, he added. “What’s up?”

“Nothing, I’m just going home.”

“Dude, that’s bullshit. Something’s up”, he frowned at me.

I walked past him. “It’s none of your concern. What are you doing here anyway?”

“Looking for Funny.”

“He left. I don’t where to or when but he left.”

Charlie raised an eyebrow. “Then what were you doing here?”

“I stayed for the night.”

The rapper was confused. “Why would you… Oh.”

“What?”

“I get it.”

“What?”

“You’re dating him.”

I let out a cold harsh laugh. “I wish. I’m nothing to him than someone to fuck when he gets back from fucking sluts.”

“Poor you. I had no idea Funny was that cruel”, Charlie stated.

I shrugged. “It’s been like that for a long time. I’m used to it.”

“Why haven’t you asked him to be exclusive?”

“Because you and I both know he’d never settle like this.”

“Then what will you do?”

“I don’t need to do anything.”

“You can’t live like this, Danny”, Charlie said. He pulled me back and lifted my chin to look at him. “You’re not fine.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?” I asked, my voice breaking.

Charlie put his arms around me. “Break the cycle.”

It felt good to hug him. I felt safe. “How? I can’t.”

“You can. You just need a reason to. Like… a boyfriend.”

“A boyfriend? But I love Funny.”

“Not a real boyfriend. Just a pretend boyfriend so he’ll leave you alone. Sure, it’ll hurt at first but you’ll be better off without him.”

“And… You’d do that for me?”

Charlie blinked. “ME?”

“Yes. Will you be the fake boyfriend?”

“Why me?”

“Because. Funny won’t try to take me away from you. You’re his best friend.”

“But I’m not into guys! Ask Kurlzz or something.”

“Sure. Me and Kurlzz. Like anyone would believe that”, I stated sarcastically.

Charlie laughed. “You’re right. What about Jay?”

“I really don’t want to explain my situation again. You’re informed. Just go with it.”

The rapper sighed. “I guess. Fine, I’ll do it but I’m not gay!”

“Just play bi until I’m over him and then we can fake break up. You can go on dating girls then. Just tell people you’re bi but like… ten percent guys, ninety girls?”

“Ninety girls”, Charlie grinned. “Pure heaven.”

“Dude.”

“Sorry.”

* * *

 

Plan into motion.

Funny was NOT pleased. Not at all.

We were just hanging out at the bar. I was standing next to Charlie, his arm around my shoulders to keep up the façade, though no one knew. Not yet. Funny was out dancing. The other guys were out of sight as well. Johnny just got into a fight with the bartender (again).

I caught Funny’s eye a few times. He narrowed them at me. At some point he actually came to me and asked me why I didn’t want to leave Charlie’s side.

“I’m not in the mood”, Charlie replied and his best friend was confused.

“I’m keeping him company”, I added. “Can’t…have my babe be lonely.”

Oh God, cringeworthy acting skills, but Funny was buying it.

“Wait what?”

Charlie looked agitated by my acting skills and took over with an Oscar winning performance. “That is so nice of you. See, this is why I started dating you. You’re such a nice guy, hot too.”

Funny blinked. “You guys… are an item?”

“Yes! Only recently but it happened so sudden. I can’t imagine my life without this asshole anymore”, Charlie expressed with a smile. What the fuck, he was so fucking good at this.

Funny frowned. “But you’re not gay, Charlie.”

“The exception confirms the rule. Danny is my exception.”

“Oh well, that’s nice.”

Just like that, he walked away. Like I said, he was NOT pleased, but for now he acted like there was nothing going on. Later that night I left Charlie’s side, thinking the Mexican would leave me alone now that he knew I was dating his best friend. He would’ve if he had been sober. He wasn’t. I could smell the alcohol in his breath when he pulled me against him. “Come on, Danny, you’ve been with me for so long and now you turn your back on me?”

“I wasn’t with you. You were just fucking me when you got sick of your toys.”

He didn’t seem put off by it. Instead he grinned, pulling me more against him and leaning heavily on me. His breath tickled me. I’d never seen him like this. “Get off, Funny, I’m not your toy anymore.”

I managed to push him off and have his surprised gaze pointed at me. “Fine. You have fun with Charlie. I’ll have him know he’ll never know your body like I do. He doesn’t know what you like. He’ll never be me”, Funny Man said in a drunk slur.

“No, he’s better”, I said. “He doesn’t fuck other people.”

He was taken aback by it. Good. Now it was time for me to turn my back and walk away to the others. I didn’t even have to look back to know he was staring at me as I left.

You know the strangest part?

He didn’t go home with a random girl that night.

 


	2. Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monster: Hi guys! How are you guys doing today? I can tell you I've finished the final chapter of Consume Me; Chapter 3 Final Act. This story was never supposed to be huge or full of drama/story but rather an extra long love drabble which ended up as a short chaptered story. I still hope you guys will like it and please tell me which story you'd like to see updated next. Enjoy!

"I know I probably asked this before but why don't you just tell Funny you like him and want to be in an exclusive relationship?", Charlie asked as he picked up a snow globe from the shelf in my room. He shook it and watched the little snowflakes dance as he did. He smiled and I rolled my eyes at the stupid, yet cute innocence of my fake boyfriend.

"Because it's hard to tell him something like that."

"Harder than pretending to be taken?" Charlie snorted. "You almost blew our cover with your acting skills."

"I know. I'm sorry", I apologised with a smile. "But you saved me back there. I didn't know you could act like that. You really deserve an Oscar for it."

"I always said I deserved one", Charlie chuckled. He sat down on my bed and tapped the spot next to me. I sat down and looked at my feet. "Now tell daddy Charlie how this thing with Funny happened. How do you get so compliant that you just let yourself get fucked and used by him?"

"I don't know", I sighed. "I was happy just fooling around with him. We were always cracking jokes and always hanging around each other. He'd wrap his arms around me for pictures and I'd just let him because it was pretty comfortable. He'd nuzzle my hair and I'd enjoy that feeling of comfort. At some point, we just both woke up in the middle of the night aboard the bus because it was way too hot to sleep and for some reason he pushed me against the wall and just… kissed me. My lips, my neck, he just did and I enjoyed it so I didn't stop him and we didn't stop there. From then on, it was kind of… a regular thing but he never ceased his flirtatious behaviour or random fucking of girls so I pretty soon realised I wasn't his boyfriend. Only I was already in love when I realised that fact."

"That sounds horrible", Charlie added. He drew up his knees and faced me as a more comfortable way to sit on the bed. I did the same, turning towards him. Our knees almost touching. "It is horrible. It hurts to know he's not satisfied with just… just me."

"Maybe he's afraid of settling down? I know Funny's got some commitment issues because of a past relationship. He got into a depression for four years because of that girl."

"Really? I had no idea", I murmured. "Why didn't he tell me that?"

"Would you like to talk about your depression?"

"Yeah. I'd love to be open about it and let people who are experiencing the same shit, know I turned out fine. You always hear about the suicide successions but no one ever talks about the ones who overcame their depression to live their life to the fullest."

Charlie shrugged. "This conversation is getting way too deep way too quickly."

"I like to be an open book", I murmured.

Charlie smiled at me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Funny's pretty fucking retarded if he doesn't want to be in an exclusive relationship with you."

"Yeah, but meanwhile I still want him back", I murmured.

He nodded. "It'll fade with time. Just relax and you'll overcome your stupid crush on that stupid guy."

"He's your best friend", I laughed. "Not a stupid guy."

Charlie waved dismissively. "Details, dude. No one cares about who your long-lost love is. Everyone always goes 'he's an ass!' or 'I never liked him!' afterwards anyway."

"Like you're doing now?" I asked and Charlie nodded enthusiastically. "Exactly! Now you get it."

I let my laughter fade into silence before staring at the bandana rapper. "I really appreciate you, doing this for me, Charlie."

I could see his shoulders tense in a shy gesture to accept the compliment before breaking into his usual cheeky smile. "You know I can't say no."

"You always help us. It doesn't even matter what our problem is. If we'd tell you we killed someone, you'd appear at our front door with a shovel."

"No."

"No?"

Charlie smirked. "I'd ask who before doing that because I'm not helping you bury Funny, alright? He's still my homie."

"I don't think he's gonna be your homie for long since you're dating me now."

"Wouldn't that mean he's jealous?"

"So?"

"Jealousy is a sign of love", Jordon swooned with an eyebrow wiggle before bursting out laughing at the face Danny made. "I think Funny's in love with sex but definitely not with me or he wouldn't have let me go so easily."

"He didn't really have a choice", Jordon countered. "He can't say no to your wishes for another partner if he's allowed to sleep around, right?"

"Maybe he saw it as an open relationship?"

Jordon shrugged. "Would it really hurt to just talk to him about this?"

"Yeah, it would. You know how stubborn he is. You can't tie down the Funny Man", I said and Jordon shook his head. "If you don't, I will."

"What? No, you wouldn't."

"Yeah, I would."

I squinted my eyes. "Fine, I will talk to him."

He smiled satisfied and I got up, heading for the kitchen to pour myself a drink. "You want a beer?"

"Sure!"

I walked back into the living room with two beers and offered him one when music played through the place.

Jordon took out his phone, the source of the sound and checked the caller id. A worried frown appeared on his forehead and my smile melted as he picked up. "Yeah?"

He got up and turned away, leaving the room. Probably a reflex. I had the habit of leaving when I picked up the phone as well. I sipped my drink and put the glass back down when Charlie appeared into the room again.

I offered him a smile. "Urgent call?"

I tried to keep the mood light but I could tell from his face that something was seriously wrong. Charlie put his fist before his mouth, seeming to think before he could speak. He took a deep breath and I couldn't take the anticipation. All colour gone from his face. "Something wrong?"

"Funny's in the hospital. He almost drank himself to death."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel!


	3. The Final Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on Consume Me;  
> Danny and Charlie have a heart-to-heart when Charlie got a call that Funny's in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monster: Hi, guys! This is the final chapter of Consume Me. I'm sorry for taking the weekend off but I'm really exhausted and not really in the best state of mind so I hope you guys understand. Maybe I should post every 2 days? What do you guys think? Would you mind if I go easy on myself for a bit? Enjoy.

How can someone drink themselves to death? It's impossible to drown like that, isn't it? Well, he didn't try to drown or die or whatever but he certainly had a lot of alcohol in his system. They emptied his stomach, he almost slipped into a coma but he didn't. He survived.

That idea alone needed a moment to sink in. Charlie was furious and scolded him for drinking so much. Drinking had to be fun. Not an addiction, not a way to drown your sorrows, not a way to kill yourself. The others appeared pretty quickly as well, giving him the same treatment but it wasn't very effective since the Mexican looked tired and beaten.

He looked like he'd taken on the world in a fight, only nodding and smiling weakly. I almost felt bad for him but he was avoiding my gaze so I didn't. He couldn't even look at me after what he'd done to me all this time?

Soon the guys poured out of the room to go be with their families, leaving Jordon and I with Funny. As soon as the final member left the door, Funny's eyes just dropped to the floor and he seemed to shut down completely. Was it because he knew we'd be hard on him?

"Why'd you do it?"

"I didn't. It just happened."

I laughed, cold and short. "That didn't just happen. You knew you were drinking way too much because you fucking know how much you can handle before you're out."

He remained silent.

Charlie cleared his throat. "Yeah. You know exactly how much you can handle before shit goes wrong."

"Maybe I stopped thinking."

It was the first time he looked up to stare at me and I felt bad for him. He really looked hurt. He stopped thinking. Was he that hurt? Why would he be hurt? He had no right to be hurt. I was the one who's supposed to be hurt. "Why would you stop thinking?"

"Because", he mused. "You're so fucking happy with Charlie and I'm here, dreading to be alive. How does that happen? Everything was perfect the way it was!"

"Perfect the way it was?" I asked in disbelief. "You slept around with every woman who made eye contact with you. How is that perfect?"

"You mind that?"

"I did", I said.

Charlie grinned. "Finally talking about it."

"Shut up."

I stared back at the Mexican. "I said I wanted you to dump those girls."

"Yeah, those two but I didn't know you were talking about girls in general. Didn't you want an open relationship?" Funny asked, cocking his head and I blinked confused. "Why would I want that?"

"Because you never talked about this. You just did shit with me and left as soon as it was over so I figured I was your boy toy", the Mexican said, a sad tone to his voice that I couldn't quite place.

I opened my mouth and shut it again. "you thought YOU were the boy toy? I thought I was your dirty secret on the side."

"So you wanted an exclusive relationship?"

I nodded. "Yeah but… Why'd you sleep with all those women?"

"I don't know. I wanted to take my mind off of you with other people so I tried to get ahead of you?"

"Really?"

"Really."

I chuckled. "So you like me?"

"Of course, I do. I thought I made myself pretty clear when I kissed you the first night", the Mexican smiled back at me, the beaten look disappeared out of his eyes and now he only seemed tired because of the alcohol cleanse in his blood. "You should've told me."

"Yeah, you should've communicated better", Charlie said in the back with a roll of the eyes. I cocked my head at him and gave him an "are you fucking kidding me"-look. He grinned at me and I turned back to Funny Man. "So what happened with the drinks then?"

"I don't know. I wasn't thinking straight. I was just drowning some thoughts and before I knew it, I lost all control over my body. I just went down to the ground", he told us and I cocked my head. "How'd you end up in the hospital then?"

"Johnny was supposed to come over. He found me but he went home before you guys arrived to take care of some stuff before coming back here again."

"Did it hurt?"

A scoff from behind me and I didn't know where Charlie's rude behaviour came from but I was starting to get annoyed by it. Couldn't he suck it up? Funny almost ended up in a coma.

"A little but I'm kinda just drowsy. They gave me some dope shit", he chuckled and it felt like the old Funny Man had returned and left the tired substitute behind.

"Good."

A moment of silence washed over us. I bit my lip. "So… What about us?"

"There is no us. Not anymore."

I slumped my shoulders. "There is an us. I still want to be with you, exclusively. I only left because I couldn't deal with the girls you slept with."

Funny Man shook his head. "How can you say that when your fucking boyfriend is standing behind you? I've got some dignity left. I'm not taking you away from my best friend. Not like this."

I glanced at Charlie. "He's not my boyfriend."

Funny Man furrowed his eyebrows.

"Besides, you had nothing to worry about. My relationship with Charlie's a fake. We're not dating. He's just doing this to help me out with you", I confessed with an awkward smile.

Funny gazed at Charlie and back at Danny. "What?"

"We're not dating. It's not real. We never did anything relationship-ish. Back me up, Charlie."

The Mexican rested his eyes on his best friend, awaiting the reply. The bandana rapper mustered the courage to smile and he damned himself for feeling jealousy, closing his eyes as the words ghosted through his mind.  _Jealous is a sign of love._ "Yeah… It wasn't real."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment, they're our heavy fuel


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